I'm Not Familiar

It's October, which means that spooky season is here! Alas, Hexennacht is long behind us - but it's still a fine time to talk about all things witchy, including familiars.

If my familiar can't be an elongated
cow-headed dog, why bother?

Much has been said about familiars, and their usefulness (or lack thereof) in games. It's almost a running joke that most players even forget they have familiars. There have been a few great posts out there proposing solutions to make familiars more interesting, such as this one from Goblin Punch. But overall, they're a concept that really doesn't get done justice, by most DMs or by rules as written.

One way to address this is to make familiars distinct NPCs. After all, these aren't just pets for wizards, these are demons (or other spirits) that in many stories are responsible for teaching their master magic in the first place. A good DM can lean into this concept and treat the familiar as a character, interacting with their master and hopefully having some memorable traits that make summoning them enjoyable opportunities for roleplaying and storytelling - it's much easier to get invested in a familiar that has a personality and ties to a PC's backstory than just a random statblock. Treating the familiar as an NPC could even be a way to give out quests for its master - perhaps the familar decides it won't offer any further service until a ritual is completed, for example, and that ritual requires a particular resource or location to be performed.

Also, if you know anything about witch folklore, you'll know that D&D familiars are not nearly as wild as they should be.

In order to help you make interesting familiars, here's a set of tables to generate a magical spirit your table won't soon forget. Use it as a player when generating a character to create their familiar alongside them, or as a DM to create familiars for NPC casters! Though I'm working with 5e in mind, the content here should be system-neutral enough to work for any game.

Step 1. Base Form

Familiars most often take an animal shape, but this isn't the only option possible; after all, demons are creatures of infinite variety and strangeness. Roll 1d20 to determine what form the familiar takes. It uses the statblock of this creature (or the closest equivalent if no official stats exist).

Common Familiars

1. Bat

2. Bird (1d6: 1-2. owl; 3. hawk; 4. raven; 5. chicken; 6. goose) 

3. Cat

4. Dog (1d6: 1. greyhound; 2. spaniel; 3. terrier; 4. poodle; 5. beagle; 6. mongrel) 

5. Fox 

6. Frog

7. Goat

8. Lizard

9. Monkey 

10. Pig 

11. Rabbit 

12. Rat

13. Snail  

14. Snake 

15. Spider

16. Squirrel

17. Weasel

18-20. Roll 1d8 on Exotic Familiars table.

Exotic Familiars

1. Imp

2. Quasit 

3. Pseudodragon

4. Tiny Animate Object (1d6: 1. mannequin; 2. book; 3. skull; 4. helmet; 5. scarecrow; 6. chest)

5. Walking Fish (as Quipper but with a walk speed of 30 feet)

6. Tiny man (or woman) in the garb of a (1d6: 1. noble; 2. wild man; 3. knight; 4. monk/nun; 5. jester; 6. wizard). Use the stats of a Sprite, but without the fly speed and with a walk speed of 20 feet.

7. Ooze (use the stats of a Crab, but with the Amorphous trait from a Gray Ooze.)

8. Crawling Claw 

Regardless of their statblock, all familiars can turn invisible at will until they attack or their concentration ends. They can also shapeshift at will between their true form and the guise of a mundane animal (use the base form without any unusual colors or features, or roll on the Common Familiar table for an Exotic Familiar), and they are capable of speaking and understanding the languages of their master.

Step 2. Color

Roll 1d6 to determine the color of the familiar:

1-3. As the base form's natural colors (roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below if not applicable).

4-5. Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below.

6. The familiar is marked by patterns (stripes, spots, etc.). Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below twice.

Familiar Colors 

1. Black

2. White

3. Red

4. Blue

5. Green

6. Yellow

7. Purple

8. Orange

Step 3. Unusual Features

In their true forms, familiars may have unusual, otherworldly features unlike those of a common animal. Roll 1d20 on this table 1d4-1 times.

1. The familiar has the wings of a (1d6: 1. bat; 2. bird; 3. butterfly/moth; 4. housefly; 5. dragonfly; 6. no wings but can levitate). If it already has wings, these may replace those of the base form or be in addition to them. It gains a fly speed of 30 feet if it does not already have one.

2. The familiar has the tail of a (1d8: 1. cat; 2. wolf; 3. fox; 4. lizard; 5. snake, including the head, a la the Chimera; 6. cow; 7. devil (thin with a spade at the end); 8. scorpion). If it already has a tail, this may replace that of the base form or be in addition to it. 

3. 1d4 of the familiar's legs (1d8 if the familiar had a spider as its base form) are replaced by those of a (1d12: 1. dog; 2. goat; 3. horse; 4. lizard; 5. chicken; 6. goose; 7. spider; 8. frog; 9. human leg; 10. human arm; 11. the legs are missing; 12. roll again, but the leg is skeletal). If the result is higher than the number of legs for the familiar's base form, it has that many extra legs.

4. The familiar has 1d4 extra legs. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the extra legs are identical to those of the familiar's base form; on a 5-6 roll as for number 3 on this table.

5. The familiar's head is replaced by that of a (1d6: 1-4. roll on the Common Familiars table, rerolling on an 18-20; 5-6. roll 1d12: 1. ox; 2. horse; 3. donkey; 4. human; 5. dragon; 6. lion; 7. goblin; 8. wolf; 9. bear; 10. Man in the Moon; 11. missing; 12. skull, roll again to determine what kind). If you get this result twice, the head resembles a combination of the two creatures; for example, a snake's neck with an ox's head, or a cat's head with a spaniel's ears.

6. The familiar has 1d4-1 (minimum 1) extra heads. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the extra heads are identical to the familiar's main head; on a 5-6 roll as for number 5 on this table.

7. The familiar's eyes resemble those of a (1d4: 1. human; 2. goat; 3. cat; 4. pupilless). Roll 1d4: on a 1-3, roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine their color. On a 4, the eyes are heterochromic; roll 1d8 twice on the Familiar Colors table.

8. The familiar has 1d4-1 (minimum 1) extra eyes.

9. The familiar is covered in coarse wool, like that of a sheep.

10. The familiar is covered in scales.

11. The familiar is covered in feathers.

12. The familiar is covered in thick slime; grapple checks made against it are made at disadvantage.

13. The familiar resembles an animated skeleton.

14. The familiar is wreathed in (harmless) fire. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the flames appear as typical flames; on a 5-6, roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine the color of the flames.

15. The familiar appears to be made of stone. 

16. The familiar has the horns of a (1d6: 1. ox; 2. sheep; 3. goat; 4. stag; 5. unicorn; 6. two sets; roll again).

17. The familiar has a mouth in its stomach or chest (or equivalent).

18. The familiar's (1d4: 1. neck; 2. body; 3. tail; 4. legs), if applicable, is unnaturally long.

19. The familiar wears a tiny crown on its head(s).

20. The familiar has a strange marking in the shape of a (1d6: 1. circle; 2. triangle; 3. star; 4. pentacle; 5. spiral; 6. runic inscription) on its (1d4: 1. forehead; 2. flank; 3. belly; 4. back). Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine its color.

Step 4. Personality

Roll 1d8 to determine the personality of the familiar.

1. Sarcastic, snide, likes to talk back. Prone to making passive-aggressive jabs at its master, but ultimately loyal always does as asked - it just won't always (or often) enjoy it.

2. Overly affectionate and enthusiastic, akin to a magical Golden Retriever.

3. Short-tempered, frustrates often, prone to outbursts of violence or profanity.

4. Emotionless and distant, with no sense of empathy for others. Often mistaken for malice, but it's more accurate to say that the familiar regards mortals the same way humans would regard an ant, with no attempt at understanding the thoughts
of something so far beneath it.

Wouldst thou live deliciously?

5. Smug, egotistical, easily taken by flattery. Knows that it's an immortal all-powerful demon and likes to rub this in peoples' faces. Very particular about how it's treated, and demands respect.

6. Trickster, speaks entirely in riddles and never gives a straight answer. May lead its master on odd errands to teach them lessons, the nature of which are never explained until afterward.

7. Bad influence, irresponsible, attempts to tempt its master into sin. It's already got the contract locked down and it might as well make the most of it.

8. Kind, soft-spoken, grandfatherly. Wise and sagacious, imparting its lessons to its master.

Step 5. Name

Choose a name for the familiar, or roll 1d20 each on the Familiar Name Prefixes and Familiar Name Suffixes tables.

Familiar Name Prefixes 

1. [the color of the familiar]

2. Ache

3. Cod

4. Curdle

5. Greedy

6. Grizzle

7. Guzzle

8. Hack

9. Hog

10. Jar

11. Kip

12. Knock

13. Lick

14. Louse

15. Old

16. Peck

17. Pye

18. Sugar

19. Vinegar

20. [none]

Familiar Name Suffixes

1. Bay

2. Belly 

3. Bones

4. Eye

5. Face

6. Gut

7. Head

8. Holt

9. Jenkin

10. Newes

11. Phillip

12. Sack

13. Scratch

14. Snout

15. Spittle

16. Tom

17. Wacket

18. Wallop 

19. Wart

20. [none]

Example Familiars

• Blackwacket is a familiar who takes the form of an imp. As his name implies, he appears to be carved of pitch black onyx, and often disguises himself as a harmless statue when not needed; other times, he disguises himself as a snake. He shows no emotion, believing the affairs of mortals beneath his concern.
• Kipbelly is a familiar who looks like a book bound in red leather; the cover and pages appear to ripple with faint tongues of flame, flaring up when she speaks through the mouth in her front cover. She is sarcastic and enjoys making backhanded insults to her master, or anyone else who irritates her thin patience. When not in her guise as a book, she takes the form of a monkey.
• Curdle-Newes is a familiar resembling a bright red poison dart frog. He has a sharp temper and a sharper tongue, and is quick to anger, with a booming voice that dwarfs his tiny size.
• Old Eyes is a familar who takes the shape of a fox, only distinguishable from the common animal by her seven legs. She is a manipulator, attempting to lead her foolish master into damning their soul through seducing them with sinful desires.

These tables might give you some strange results - but then, that's part of the fun! Feel free to let your imagination run wild in determining how the pieces fit together. Either way, you should hopefully come up with familiars that stand out, rather than fading into the background.