Saturday, October 15, 2022

Orctober!

It's October, and you all know what that means. No, I'm not talking about Halloween - though I have no shortage of love for the harvest season, the changing of the leaves, and of course the celebration of all things spooky. No, this also happens to be the time the old-school gaming blogosphere gets passionate about orcs.

Orctober started out as a tradition in the Oldhammer community, with blogs devoting the month to painting all manner of orcs (and orks) from the glory days of 80s Games Workshop. My current work situation makes it rather unlikely I'll have much time to devote to collecting and painting miniatures - but my homebrew setting of the Lunar Lands is in large part a love letter to the British old school fantasy gaming world (something I posited the existence of as a distinct phenomenon in this Reddit post and which was consequently elaborated on most wonderfully by Uncaring Cosmos), and you can trace just about everything produced in that milieu to Rick Priestly (my previous post on familiars was basically an excuse to stat up all the old-school Chaos Familiar miniatures - yes, I'm coming clean about that now!). To that end, I figured I might as well celebrate Orctober in the best way I can - by describing how I handle orcs in my games and my setting.

Fighting Fantasy

As far as anyone has known, as long as there has been man, there have been orcs. Various legends speak of their origins - some say they were originally humans cursed to become beasts in punishment for their relentless bloodlust; others say they were spawned from the spilled blood of demons, and still more say they were beasts that became intelligent by drinking dragons' blood. The orcs themselves scoff at such silly tales - in fact, they have just as many such stories about humans. But regardless of where they came from, they have come to spread across the lands, and their tribes and villages can be found just about anywhere.

Orcs come in all shapes and sizes; their phenotypic variety has more in common with that of dogs than humans. Some are green, others grey; some have faces like pigs, and others like apes; some have
horns, some have tusks - and everything imaginable in between is possible. The creatures sometimes referred to as goblins, bugbears, and hobgoblins are really just different strains of orc, and while some clans are relatively standard in appearance, there are some villages where all these types can be found living alongside one another.

Art by Jerry Boucher
Some scholars have used the term trollkin to include common orcs, goblins, and their respective variations, though this itself is a misnomer as these races do not seem to be related to trolls. Once again, the orcs would just laugh at our foolish obsession with splitting hairs. To them, an uruk is an uruk, or a bigger, smaller, or hairier uruk if the distinction is truly necessary. What to call them means nothing, only their strength.

Orcish cultures vary as much as their appearances, and every tribe practices its own customs - observances that are known around every fire pit and mead hall in some villages would only net blank stares at others. However, a common feature is the value placed upon strength and valor in battle. The most powerful orcs in society are not necessarily the best talkers, or the most learned, but those who are simply strong enough to beat down any dissenting voices. Orcs are well known to raid human villages, not only for food and wealth, but also as an opportunity for the youth to prove their skills and gain clout among their kinsmen through impressing others with their deeds, and duels are a favored way of settling disputes.

This is not to say that orcs are without honor. Quite the opposite, in fact. An orc who has brought down a worthy foe in battle, bearing the scars to prove it, is an accomplished warrior worthy of respect and riches. An orc who has never had his blood spilled because all of his victories have been against unarmed children and the old and infirm is a coward, and would be mocked and shunned by his peers. Taking down lesser foes in the name of honor is, while not exactly considered criminal, frowned upon - not for any moral reasons so much as because it's too easy. That does not preclude orcs from preying upon the weak for more material reasons than social status - pillaging a defenseless village to make off with its gold and livestock is considered no different than hunting game, as long as no one brags about it. Attempting to assign human society's ideas of morality to orcs is, in short, going to be a headache.

On the flip side, the orcs' sense of honor and deference to the pecking order can be exploited. Many an enterprising warlord has assembled an army or a garrison force made up of orcs because they are easily swayed by great deeds of arms, and can be convinced to fall in line under the command of a warrior stronger than they are - though as some of these would-be tyrants have learned, it would be a fatal mistake to assume that they do not care about being paid, or that they would not turn against their masters if they saw the opportunity to do so. Even one who fights orcs may gain their respect in battle - there are many such ballads concerning orcs that become brothers-in-arms with humans when they came to recognize them as equals in strength and bravery.

Types of Orcs

Although every orc tribe is different, their societies can be grouped into a number of distinct cultures that follow similar patterns. It is possible these arose from common ancestors, trade and exchange of ideas between tribes, or a combination of both.

Art by Keith Parkinson

Horse Orcs,
 or Plains Orcs, are the most numerous, and most infamous, of those in the Lunar Lands. Semi-nomadic in nature, they often set up villages to house their people and graze their animals in grasslands, trading and raiding with whatever neighbors they may have, until their resources run dry and they move on to the next appropriate site. As their name suggests, they raise, breed, and train horses, which they respect for their strength and mobility. Although a typical orcish horse is more comparable to a draft breed, their agility still makes them useful for cavalry charges and migrations alike. Horse Orcs also favor archery, thanks to the far lines of sight provided by the plains. An army of mounted orcs firing arrows from horseback is a terrifying sight indeed.

Aside from war, these orcs also use horses for sport, competing to prove their valor in races and in a peculiar sport involving carrying a dead goat, often liberated from a nearby village as a token of victory, to a goal while being pursued by other riders. Sometimes these games can turn violent - there is a well-attested account of a war between two orcish clans that broke out when the goat split in half during a game, and no one could decide whether the larger part or the part containing the head should count for scoring purposes.

It was an enterprising chieftain among the Horse Orcs that formed the greatest empire orc-kind has ever known, uniting the clans into conquering much of Togarmah in its heyday before being brought down in the series of conflicts known as the Orc Wars.

Down in the Dungeon
Iron Orcs include many of the most technologically sophisticated tribes among their numbers. While other orcs obtain arms and armor either through pillage, cobbling of scrap, or rudimentary blacksmithing, the Iron Orcs are known for their metallurgy, with some even mastering the art of steel. They tend to be more settled than other cultures, owing to their dependence on steady sources of raw materials, and often favor easily defensible locations in mountains to make their homes and house their smoke-belching forges. Some have even formed enduring trade deals with dwarven holds, though it is arguable how much of this is because of mutual benefit and how much is because it is easier to trade with Iron Orcs than to defend a mountain against them. Their armies tend to be more regimented than those of other tribes, and are well-equipped with armor, swords, pikes, and in some cases even war machines.

Art by Verminard

Northborn Orcs
 are among the largest and burliest of all orcs (use the stats of a bugbear for a common specimen), with many possessing thick coats of fur to provide warmth in the cold regions they inhabit. Because these lands are often poor of soil and scarce in resources, they also tend to be some of the fiercest, something that serves them well in their squabbles over valuable food and territory.

Much like the Northmen, some that dwell on the coasts have taken to building great ships and raiding more temperate areas for gold and supplies. Due to their fearsome fighters and the inhospitable climates they call home, the clans of the Northborn Orcs have only rarely been conquered by their enemies - something they take with pride - and they hold sway over some of the most powerful orcish polities.

Art by John Howe
Cave Orcs encompass all orcs that dwell beneath the ground.
Some do so out of necessity, shunned by their neighbors (orcish or otherwise) and forming their own societies in the wilds, while others favor caves for the strategic opportunities they offer in defense, and still others have delved so far underground as to establish a homeland in the World Beneath. Due to the cramped conditions of their underground homes, these orcs tend to be smaller in stature, if not stooped or stunted, and are most likely to be of the varieties termed goblins - though this is not to say that they can't grow to greater sizes. Tales even speak of eyeless, pallid creatures in the darkest depths where light cannot reach, with some questioning if they can even still be considered orcs at all.

Like Northborn Orcs, Cave Orcs have a hardscrabble life - though some have managed to farm mushrooms and fungi for sustenance, others, particularly those closer to the surface, are more inclined to raid for their resources. Stone tools and weapons are not uncommon among them, and they are well adapted to see in darkness, though some, consequently, may be less adapted to light.

Fighting Fantasy

Civilized Orcs
 are a point of controversy. Some scholars would argue that such a term is oxymoronic - and some orcs would take offense at the implication they are uncivilized (or that the life their more settled cousins have taken part in is at all comparable to the soft and hypocritical ways of humankind, for that matter). Nevertheless, some of the more larger and cosmopolitan cities of the land have their fair share of orcish inhabitants - be they descended from trading partners who decided to settle, orcs who saw opportunity among the urban setting, or any other reasons they may have. Other times, a fief on the frontier may decide that the nearby orcs make better allies than threats, and over time they may intermix.

With the decree of Matriarch Wilmarina I of Lescatie that orcs do indeed have souls and can carry the favor of the gods, this level of integration has become more common, though there are still those who oppose it. It also varies from place to place - many cities, either by official proclamation or by patterns of settlement over time, boast an Orcish Quarter that functions as a community of its own, while in others, seeing a goblin at the seat beside you in the tavern won't even cause the locals to bat an eye. There are some orcs that have fully adopted local customs, but others still hold ties to their tribal honor pacts, and this often leaves the local magistrates to arbitrate disputes when matters of law run into conflict with the warrior code.

Friday, October 7, 2022

I'm Not Familiar

It's October, which means that spooky season is here! Alas, Hexennacht is long behind us - but it's still a fine time to talk about all things witchy, including familiars.

If my familiar can't be an elongated
cow-headed dog, why bother?
Much has been said about familiars, and their usefulness (or lack thereof) in games. It's almost a running joke that most players even forget they have familiars. There have been a few great posts out there proposing solutions to make familiars more interesting, such as this one from Goblin Punch. But overall, they're a concept that really doesn't get done justice, by most DMs or by rules as written.

One way to address this is to make familiars distinct NPCs. After all, these aren't just pets for wizards, these are demons (or other spirits) that in many stories are responsible for teaching their master magic in the first place. A good DM can lean into this concept and treat the familiar as a character, interacting with their master and hopefully having some memorable traits that make summoning them enjoyable opportunities for roleplaying and storytelling - it's much easier to get invested in a familiar that has a personality and ties to a PC's backstory than just a random statblock. Treating the familiar as an NPC could even be a way to give out quests for its master - perhaps the familar decides it won't offer any further service until a ritual is completed, for example, and that ritual requires a particular resource or location to be performed.

Also, if you know anything about witch folklore, you'll know that D&D familiars are not nearly as wild as they should be.

In order to help you make interesting familiars, here's a set of tables to generate a magical spirit your table won't soon forget. Use it as a player when generating a character to create their familiar alongside them, or as a DM to create familiars for NPC casters! Though I'm working with 5e in mind, the content here should be system-neutral enough to work for any game.

Step 1. Base Form

Familiars most often take an animal shape, but this isn't the only option possible; after all, demons are creatures of infinite variety and strangeness. Roll 1d20 to determine what form the familiar takes. It uses the statblock of this creature (or the closest equivalent if no official stats exist).

Common Familiars

1. Bat

2. Bird (1d6: 1-2. owl; 3. hawk; 4. raven; 5. chicken; 6. goose) 

3. Cat

4. Dog (1d6: 1. greyhound; 2. spaniel; 3. terrier; 4. poodle; 5. beagle; 6. mongrel) 

5. Fox 

6. Frog

7. Goat

8. Lizard

9. Monkey 

10. Pig 

11. Rabbit 

12. Rat

13. Snail  

14. Snake 

15. Spider

16. Squirrel

17. Weasel

18-20. Roll 1d8 on Exotic Familiars table.

Exotic Familiars

1. Imp

2. Quasit 

3. Pseudodragon

4. Tiny Animate Object (1d6: 1. mannequin; 2. book; 3. skull; 4. helmet; 5. scarecrow; 6. chest)

5. Walking Fish (as Quipper but with a walk speed of 30 feet)

6. Tiny man (or woman) in the garb of a (1d6: 1. noble; 2. wild man; 3. knight; 4. monk/nun; 5. jester; 6. wizard). Use the stats of a Sprite, but without the fly speed and with a walk speed of 20 feet.

7. Ooze (use the stats of a Crab, but with the Amorphous trait from a Gray Ooze.)

8. Crawling Claw 

Regardless of their statblock, all familiars can turn invisible at will until they attack or their concentration ends. They can also shapeshift at will between their true form and the guise of a mundane animal (use the base form without any unusual colors or features, or roll on the Common Familiar table for an Exotic Familiar), and they are capable of speaking and understanding the languages of their master.

Step 2. Color

Roll 1d6 to determine the color of the familiar:

1-3. As the base form's natural colors (roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below if not applicable).

4-5. Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below.

6. The familiar is marked by patterns (stripes, spots, etc.). Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table below twice.

Familiar Colors 

1. Black

2. White

3. Red

4. Blue

5. Green

6. Yellow

7. Purple

8. Orange

Step 3. Unusual Features

In their true forms, familiars may have unusual, otherworldly features unlike those of a common animal. Roll 1d20 on this table 1d4-1 times.

1. The familiar has the wings of a (1d6: 1. bat; 2. bird; 3. butterfly/moth; 4. housefly; 5. dragonfly; 6. no wings but can levitate). If it already has wings, these may replace those of the base form or be in addition to them. It gains a fly speed of 30 feet if it does not already have one.

2. The familiar has the tail of a (1d8: 1. cat; 2. wolf; 3. fox; 4. lizard; 5. snake, including the head, a la the Chimera; 6. cow; 7. devil (thin with a spade at the end); 8. scorpion). If it already has a tail, this may replace that of the base form or be in addition to it. 

3. 1d4 of the familiar's legs (1d8 if the familiar had a spider as its base form) are replaced by those of a (1d12: 1. dog; 2. goat; 3. horse; 4. lizard; 5. chicken; 6. goose; 7. spider; 8. frog; 9. human leg; 10. human arm; 11. the legs are missing; 12. roll again, but the leg is skeletal). If the result is higher than the number of legs for the familiar's base form, it has that many extra legs.

4. The familiar has 1d4 extra legs. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the extra legs are identical to those of the familiar's base form; on a 5-6 roll as for number 3 on this table.

5. The familiar's head is replaced by that of a (1d6: 1-4. roll on the Common Familiars table, rerolling on an 18-20; 5-6. roll 1d12: 1. ox; 2. horse; 3. donkey; 4. human; 5. dragon; 6. lion; 7. goblin; 8. wolf; 9. bear; 10. Man in the Moon; 11. missing; 12. skull, roll again to determine what kind). If you get this result twice, the head resembles a combination of the two creatures; for example, a snake's neck with an ox's head, or a cat's head with a spaniel's ears.

6. The familiar has 1d4-1 (minimum 1) extra heads. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the extra heads are identical to the familiar's main head; on a 5-6 roll as for number 5 on this table.

7. The familiar's eyes resemble those of a (1d4: 1. human; 2. goat; 3. cat; 4. pupilless). Roll 1d4: on a 1-3, roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine their color. On a 4, the eyes are heterochromic; roll 1d8 twice on the Familiar Colors table.

8. The familiar has 1d4-1 (minimum 1) extra eyes.

9. The familiar is covered in coarse wool, like that of a sheep.

10. The familiar is covered in scales.

11. The familiar is covered in feathers.

12. The familiar is covered in thick slime; grapple checks made against it are made at disadvantage.

13. The familiar resembles an animated skeleton.

14. The familiar is wreathed in (harmless) fire. Roll 1d6: on a 1-4, the flames appear as typical flames; on a 5-6, roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine the color of the flames.

15. The familiar appears to be made of stone. 

16. The familiar has the horns of a (1d6: 1. ox; 2. sheep; 3. goat; 4. stag; 5. unicorn; 6. two sets; roll again).

17. The familiar has a mouth in its stomach or chest (or equivalent).

18. The familiar's (1d4: 1. neck; 2. body; 3. tail; 4. legs), if applicable, is unnaturally long.

19. The familiar wears a tiny crown on its head(s).

20. The familiar has a strange marking in the shape of a (1d6: 1. circle; 2. triangle; 3. star; 4. pentacle; 5. spiral; 6. runic inscription) on its (1d4: 1. forehead; 2. flank; 3. belly; 4. back). Roll 1d8 on the Familiar Colors table to determine its color.

Step 4. Personality

Roll 1d8 to determine the personality of the familiar.

1. Sarcastic, snide, likes to talk back. Prone to making passive-aggressive jabs at its master, but ultimately loyal always does as asked - it just won't always (or often) enjoy it.

2. Overly affectionate and enthusiastic, akin to a magical Golden Retriever.

3. Short-tempered, frustrates often, prone to outbursts of violence or profanity.

4. Emotionless and distant, with no sense of empathy for others. Often mistaken for malice, but it's more accurate to say that the familiar regards mortals the same way humans would regard an ant, with no attempt at understanding the thoughts
of something so far beneath it.

Wouldst thou live deliciously?

5. Smug, egotistical, easily taken by flattery. Knows that it's an immortal all-powerful demon and likes to rub this in peoples' faces. Very particular about how it's treated, and demands respect.

6. Trickster, speaks entirely in riddles and never gives a straight answer. May lead its master on odd errands to teach them lessons, the nature of which are never explained until afterward.

7. Bad influence, irresponsible, attempts to tempt its master into sin. It's already got the contract locked down and it might as well make the most of it.

8. Kind, soft-spoken, grandfatherly. Wise and sagacious, imparting its lessons to its master.

Step 5. Name

Choose a name for the familiar, or roll 1d20 each on the Familiar Name Prefixes and Familiar Name Suffixes tables.

Familiar Name Prefixes 

1. [the color of the familiar]

2. Ache

3. Cod

4. Curdle

5. Greedy

6. Grizzle

7. Guzzle

8. Hack

9. Hog

10. Jar

11. Kip

12. Knock

13. Lick

14. Louse

15. Old

16. Peck

17. Pye

18. Sugar

19. Vinegar

20. [none]

Familiar Name Suffixes

1. Bay

2. Belly 

3. Bones

4. Eye

5. Face

6. Gut

7. Head

8. Holt

9. Jenkin

10. Newes

11. Phillip

12. Sack

13. Scratch

14. Snout

15. Spittle

16. Tom

17. Wacket

18. Wallop 

19. Wart

20. [none]

Example Familiars

  • Blackwacket is a familiar who takes the form of an imp. As his name implies, he appears to be carved of pitch black onyx, and often disguises himself as a harmless statue when not needed; other times, he disguises himself as a snake. He shows no emotion, believing the affairs of mortals beneath his concern.
  • Kipbelly is a familiar who looks like a book bound in red leather; the cover and pages appear to ripple with faint tongues of flame, flaring up when she speaks through the mouth in her front cover. She is sarcastic and enjoys making backhanded insults to her master, or anyone else who irritates her thin patience. When not in her guise as a book, she takes the form of a monkey.
  • Curdle-Newes is a familiar resembling a bright red poison dart frog. He has a sharp temper and a sharper tongue, and is quick to anger, with a booming voice that dwarfs his tiny size.
  • Old Eyes is a familar who takes the shape of a fox, only distinguishable from the common animal by her seven legs. She is a manipulator, attempting to lead her foolish master into damning their soul through seducing them with sinful desires.
These tables might give you some strange results - but then, that's part of the fun! Feel free to let your imagination run wild in determining how the pieces fit together. Either way, you should hopefully come up with familiars that stand out, rather than fading into the background.